


Dress You Up

by AssyPiff



Series: Fancy Dress Party S2 E2 [1]
Category: Peter Kay's Car Share (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-04
Updated: 2018-08-09
Packaged: 2019-06-21 16:25:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,685
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15561756
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AssyPiff/pseuds/AssyPiff
Summary: Based on S2 E2.Ever wondered how John and Kayleigh end up going to the Fancy Dress Party as Harry Potter and Hagrid?What happened at the party to make them "the talk of the shop?"





	1. Chapter 1

"What are you going to go as?" Kayleigh asks John on their way home two weeks before the annual staff Fancy Dress party.

"I dunno," John says " I've not thought about it yet." 

"Best get a wriggle on John! It's not long now!" 

Kayleigh loves the annual event, John not so much. He's always "on duty" at these things, which is a pain in the arse as far as he's concerned. He's not able to let his hair down unlike every bugger else, including Dave Thompson, who he already knows is going as Mr T for the second year in a row.

"What are you going as?" John asks her.

" I fancy going as Madonna this year, " Kayleigh considers, " I love her!"

" What young Madonna or slutty Madonna? " Either way John's not keen on her choice.

Kayleigh laughs, "Depends on what I can find!" Kayleigh winks in what she hopes is a suggestive manner.

John's in damage limitation mode. After her gift of the cd, John has begun to admit to himself that he has fledgling feelings towards her. He also admits to himself that he would have a problem seeing her in either Madonna-guise. He'd find it difficult to cope on a personal level, and he'd certainly have a problem with her being hit upon by the horny bastards from the warehouse.

"I don't suppose you'd come with me to the costume shop? " John asks in a mildly pathetic manner knowing that she won't be able to resist going with him.

"I'd love to John! Do you want to go on Saturday?" Kayleigh's very excited.

" Aye, I can do that." John gives himself a secret little smile. " I'll come over to you for eleven. That OK?"

"Yes," Kayleigh slaps his leg , " how exciting! We can go for lunch!"

John makes a show of being put upon but is secretly very happy. "If we must!" he says delighted that not only has a chance of influencing her choice, he gets to take her to lunch to boot!

There is much discussion around the store about who's going as what as there is every year. Kayleigh has started looking on line for a suitable costume, she'd like, just for once, to look sexy for John. Just for once she wants him to notice her. Just for once for him to see her out of her uniform.

John's been looking up costumes too, despite his feigned indifference. He wants for him and Kayleigh to go as a couple or at least as a pair. He has ruled out anything that would involve him wearing any sort of mask or make up or headgear. Or any sort of cumbersome costume he'd have to drag round and get too hot in. This limited his choice somewhat as did his desire to base his costume around some sort of suit or shirt and tie as usual.

Kayleigh was thrilled. Even though he hadn't really said anything about the cd she'd given him or the note she'd put in with it, John was still picking her up every morning despite the distance to Bury. And now he'd asked her to go to the costume shop with him. She was definitely going to make the most of it. The time John had suggested meant that they could go for lunch somewhere, maybe even spend the day. Things were starting to progress, albeit slowly!

On her way out on the Friday evening, Kayleigh is chatting to several of her friends in the breakroom as they are retrieving their bags ready to go home.

"Have you decided what you're going as yet?" Donna asks having already got her costume sorted.

" Me and John are going to get our costumes tomorrow. " Kayleigh replies happily.

"Oh yes? You going as Romeo and Juliet or something?" Donna says with a laugh to the others in the breakroom.

Kayleigh is completely oblivious to the inference. "I don't know. I expect we'll find something once we get there!"

" Do you think you can persuade John into a more interesting costume than he's turned up in the last few years? What was it? Old fashioned policeman? Old fashioned teacher? Try and get him into the 21st century Kayleigh!" Donna's warming to her theme. 

"What about some sort of super hero?" Sandra chimes in. 

"Oh that would be good! Super John! He-Man!" Donna and the girls are properly belly laughing now.

Kayleigh doesn't like they are taking the mick out of John. "I'm sure he'll look great whatever he chooses!" She grabs her bag and heads off. " Have a good weekend everyone! " she says over her shoulder.

"I bet she will!" Donna chuckles.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John and Kayleigh try on costumes. John has an epiphany.

At ten to eleven the next morning, John is back round at Kayleigh's. He wants a quick word with Steve before they get going to the costume shop. He gets out of his car and walks casually up to Steve, who's out tinkering with his bike as usual.

"Hiya pal." Steve says as John approaches.

" Alright buddy?" John grins at him.

"Going costume shopping today?" Steve is highly amused as Kayleigh has been talking of nothing else for days.

John sighs, "Yeah, gotta go to the works do as something, Christ knows what though!"

They share a good-natured chuckle.

"Hey are ya going to that classic bike rally next month?" John asks hoping that he'll be able to meet up with Steve. Since his dad had passed away he's had nobody to go with.

" Yeah I thought I'd have a look. See ya there? " Steve's pleased he's found a bike buddy in John.

Kayleigh emerges from the house, trying not to look too pleased to see him. She's wearing a loose long skirt and smart jumper and jacket, easier to change out of when trying on costumes. John looks up and thinks how pretty she looks out of her uniform.

"Morning John!" She gives him a big smile. " You ready?" 

"Hiya. Yeah, yeah. Come on then."

They get into John's car after having said a quick goodbye to Steve.

"Where are we going?" Kayleigh asks while getting herself settled.

"I thought we'd try the costume place in Bury first," John says. He doesn't want there to be any chance of bumping into anyone from work.

" Right, let's get going then! " Kayleigh is brimming with excitement.

Not long later John finds a space in a town car park and they stroll off to the shops, Kayleigh linking him as they walk along. 

Costumes R US is situated in a small parade of shops off a side street. It's one of those places that goes back a surprisingly long way given the size of the shop frontage. Bernard, the proprietor, is a short dark haired man with a small trimmed moustache, who if he wore a fez would bear more than a passing resemblance to the shopkeeper in Mr Benn. At the front of the shop are party accessories, balloons, party poppers, hats etc. The costumes are on rails in a large room at the back with a couple of changing rooms behind those saloon style wooden slatted swinging doors.

"Good morning!" Bernard greets John and Kayleigh as they come in and start browsing at the front of the shop.

"Can I help you find anything in particular?"

" We need a couple of costumes for our work's fancy dress party." John says.

"Come this way then, we should be able to find you both something. I'm Bernard by the way." He says kindly, his blue eyes twinkling at them.

"I'm Kayleigh, this is John." Kayleigh has instantly taken to him.

"Have you got anything in mind?" Bernard smiles as Kayleigh goes over to the rails and starts rummaging.

"I want to go as Madonna!" Kayleigh says her head buried in the costumes.

Bernard looks at John who shakes his head very slightly. "And you John? What do you fancy?" He gives John a knowing but kindly smile.

"I was thinking, what have you got we could maybe go as a pair?"

Kayleigh looks up. "What did you just say?"

John looks a bit sheepish suddenly. "I just thought it might be fun to go as a pair, you know like Laurel and Hardy or Bonny and Clyde or something." 

John and Bernard wait for her reaction.

" I really wanted to go as Madonna... but you're right it would be fun to go together."

John breathes a sigh of relief. Now if he can only steer her away from Madonna, he'll be breathing a lot easier.

Kayleigh is still determined to try for Madonna and runs through her song list to find what John might go as. She ponders out loud. "We could go for the Like a Prayer video... "

"I'm not going as a black Jesus!" John is adamant. "And before you start I'm not going as a priest either! That's sacrilege!"

Kayleigh and Bernard laugh. It's going to be a long morning!

"Well how about the Material Girl video? That's a lovely pink dress and you could go in a dinner jacket! You'd look so handsome John!"

" I can see two problems with that." Bernard observes. "One I don't have anything as classy as that. And two how would anyone know who you'd be going as?"

" It's not a black tie do. " John says glumly, "I'm bound to loose my deposit!" He informs Bernard. 

Turning to Kayleigh he says, " Maybe we'll go to a black tie do one day." John is serious all of a sudden and Kayleigh holds his gaze for a moment before looking down.

Bernard shifts to allow them their little moment and comes back with a couple of stools. "I get the feeling we might be here for a while." He tells them, "would you like a brew?"

" That's really kind of you Bernard. " Kayleigh has recovered from their little interlude and smiles at him.

Bernard nods and goes into his little kitchen area to put the kettle on.

Kayleigh has one last Madonna-related idea. "I've got it! The Beautiful Stranger video!"

" Stop right there missy! " There is no way I am going as Austin pissing Powers! " John puts his foot down.

Bernard has come back in and he and Kayleigh share a chuckle at a horrified John. 

" Oh but John, you'd look great! " Kayleigh wheedles.

"I'm not wearing any costume that involves false teeth!"

" Well that means Dracula's out then! " Bernard says rather regretfully. 

"I could've been Bride of Dracula!" Kayleigh exclaims regretfully.

But not as regretful as John. Something passes across his face, he suddenly has to take a breather. He exchanges a look with Bernard, gets up off his stool and heads towards the front door.

"Are you OK John?" Kayleigh moves to follow him.

" Give him a minute, he just looked a bit hot. Why don't we look for something for you? Then you can start trying things on!"

Bernard had recognised that look and, God love him, John needed a minute to pull himself together. Bernard had been hiring costumes for a long time and had seen it all. This lass needed distracting until John could make a reappearance. He bustles around to find Kayleigh some costumes to try on in her size.

Meanwhile outside the shop John was trying to catch his breath. The thought that had flashed across his brain when Kayleigh had mentioned dressing up as a bride had left him breathless and hot. He tried to put the thought to the back of his mind but he couldn't. He didn't want to see Kayleigh dressed as a bride unless it was for him. Bloody hell fire! Where did that come from? He was in serious trouble here. He just couldn't go with her dressed as his bride!

Taking in some fresh air, John paced up and down for a bit until he got his heart rate back under control. Venturing back inside after a few minutes he's greeted by Kayleigh wafting up and down dressed in a Southern Belle costume á la Gone with the Wind. It was a truely awful dress with accompanying bonnet but Kayleigh was enjoying swirling the parasol. 

"What happened there John? You alright? What do you think of this one?" Kayleigh 's concern is running equal with her enjoyment of pretending to be Scarlett O'Hara.

"Yeah just came over a bit not quite. I'm OK now though. I suppose that makes me Rhett Butler?" He shakes his head. " I don't think so."

Kayleigh's a bit disappointed. " Never mind! There's plenty more to try." 

Bernard comes in from the kitchen with their tea. 

"You OK now?" He gives John the once over, taking the opportunity to enquire while Kayleigh is changing into another outfit.

"Yeah, just came over a bit warm." John mutters thinking that this man couldn't possibly know why he had to go for a breather.

John and Bernard sit sipping their tea while Kayleigh parades in a series of increasingly ludicrous costumes. John immediately vetoes anything with "Sexy " in the title...sexy nurse, sexy teacher and heaven help him sexy school girl! 

When Kayleigh objects, John says "And what am I supposed to go as?"

" A sexy doctor? You could examine me with your stethoscope! " she giggles playfully.

John doesn't know how much more of this he can stand. Bernard can sense that John is getting very close to the edge. 

"Why don't you have a look John? Perhaps we could come at this from the other way round. See what you like and then match Kayleigh to you."

" Aye alright, we'll be here all day! We've already taken up enough of your time."

John gets up and looks through the rails and it's Kayleigh's turn to sit and drink her brew with Bernard. After a lot of rummaging and muttering, John finally pulls an outfit out and holds it up. "I think this is it!" he says with a flourish. " Do ya have the...? " John looks at Bernard with a grin.

"I do! " Bernard goes to find the accessories to go with John's outfit.

" What's that John?" 

"What? It's Harry Potter!" 

He goes and tries on the Hogwarts school robe. It really is perfect! He can wear a white shirt and black trousers, well within his comfort zone. With the tie, glasses and wand, he's found the perfect costume.

John's wearing a blue shirt and black jeans so he hasn't got the full effect, but it's close enough. He comes out of the changing room with a flourish.

"Woohoo!" Kayleigh applauds and cheers.

"You look great John! But I've never seen Harry Potter! Who will I be?"

Bernard comes back in with the accessories for John's outfit. "Well there's several choices, just a minute, let me go and find...." Bernard trails off as he goes to find the costumes for Kayleigh.

The first he comes back with is Hermione Grainger. "You won't need the wig with this one." Bernard remarks.

Kayleigh goes off to try it on. When she comes out of the changing room and twirls round in her school uniform and robe, John winces ever so slightly. It's only caught by Bernard who raises an eyebrow back at him. Having been a fan of Harry Potter from the beginning, Hermione is something of a favourite with John, and even though Kayleigh's skirt is of a decent length, and not at all revealing, Bernard can tell that John is still struggling.

"Perhaps you should try this one?" He hands one last costume in his Harry Potter collection after they have both waved away Dobbie the House Elf.

John and Bernard chuckle to each other quietly. Bernard omits to give Kayleigh the wig and beard that goes with the rest of the Hagrid costume and winks to John. Kayleigh emerges from the changing room one last time in the raggedy clothes of the half-man half-giant, which in itself is highly amusing given Kayleigh's diminutive stature.

"Jesus! That's perfect! You look perfect!" John and Bernard share a laugh as she does a twirl.

"Who am I supposed to be John?" This isn't the glamorous outfit she was hoping for, it was quite the opposite. John explains who Hagrid is, but makes it seem that Harry and Hagrid are the modern literature equivalent of Morecambe and Wise. He also neglects to tell her about the beard.

"Can we settle on these please Kayleigh?" John is all but begging. He wants to pay the man and leave before she can change her mind. 

" You can tell me where you want to go for lunch! " John knows that food will distract her.

"Yes OK John, I've had enough now too. Let me get changed out of this!"

Whilst Kayleigh is getting ready, John goes to the cash register with Bernard, who has bagged up John's costume and accessories and has Hagrid's wig and beard in a separate bag waiting for the rest of the outfit to go in. John thanks Bernard for his time and the brew and waits for Kayleigh.

Bernard watches John sympathetically, "Are you going to tell her?" He ventures."Tell her why you had that funny turn?" Bernard persists. "That was quite some epiphany you had there, and I've seen a few in my time!" 

Kayleigh comes in at the end of the conversation. " What have you seen in your time Bernard? " she asks curiously.

"Few customers who have looked as good as Harry Potter and Hagrid as you two!" Bernard improvises giving a slight wink to John.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Between the costume shop and the Fancy Dress Party

Walking out of Costumes R US, John is feeling very satisfied with his morning's work. He has managed to acquire the perfect costume for himself, and has achieved the twin objectives of getting him and Kayleigh to go as a pair and keep her covered up at the same time. He's very aware that he's behaving like a selfish Victorian school ma'am, and does feel bad. But not bad enough to encourage Kayleigh to wear a sexy outfit that would drive his male colleagues mad. The fact that she'd drive him mad too was a thought not very far behind the first. Kayleigh was so unaware how gorgeous she really was that he felt honour-bound to protect her. The fact that they would also have to stick together in the time-honoured tradition of this event, until the results of the Best Costumes for individuals and pairs were announced, was an added bonus.

"I could really do with a sit down and something to eat! How about you?" Kayleigh has linked John again as they wander off to the main shopping street.

John is carrying both the bags and plans on keeping Kayleigh's until the last possible minute so she can't object to wearing all of her costume.

"Aye, let's find somewhere," John agrees, "You choose."

It's the least he can do. He needs a breather from the disturbing emotions he's been feeling and the distraction of a bacon sandwich is just what he needs until he can get home and think things through on his own. They walk on and find a nice looking cafe that has a few empty tables and they have a look at the menu in the window.

"This one looks nice! " Kayleigh is not one for wandering round for ages when she finds somewhere to eat.

John nods and they go in and find a table. Now she doesn't have to worry about squeezing into a tight outfit, Kayleigh feels entirely justified in choosing a brie and bacon ciabatta with a vanilla latte. John goes with a B.L.T baguette and a tea. He goes goes up to order and sits back down to a waiting Kayleigh.

"What happened back there?" she asks concerned. " Are you coming down with something?"

John shakes his head. "No I don't think so. Just came over a bit hot that's all." It's true, he did come over warm. He wasn't about to let on why though. Kayleigh puts a hand on his forehead to check his temperature. It seems back to normal now.

"I hate having to try stuff on," John explains , "always having to take your shoes on and off, it's a right pain in the arse!"

" But I was the one doing the trying on! You were just sat there as a spectator! " The light dawns finally and she grins a small secret grin to herself.

"Maybe I was getting warm in anticipation!" He says grinning. 

"Are we keeping our costumes a secret?"

" It'd ruin the surprise!" 

"It's just the girls were asking me yesterday..." 

" And what did ya tell them? "

"Oh just that we were choosing our costumes today." she chuckles, " they asked me to try and get you to go as a superhero, or at least something from the 21st century!"

"Did they? Cheeky bitches! You can tell them you've succeeded at least." 

"I don't even know who I'm going as John!"

" We should have a Harry Potter movie marathon some time, " John casually suggests, " they're really good! You'll love 'em!"

"As long as you're not going to make me watch Bond!" Kayleigh feigns disinterestedness. In reality of course, she's thrilled that he's suggested doing anything at all together. "I suppose it would be a good idea...we could have that take away!"

John laughs, " Always thinking about food, you! "

"It's a necessity John!" Kayleigh laughs as she playfully smacks his arm.

........................

During the following week, both John and Kayleigh are repeatedly asked what they're going to be going as. The gossip that they had gone shopping for their costumes together had spread faster than Usain Bolt on roller boots. If truth be told tongues had begun to wag almost as soon as the car share scheme had begun. Most had expected John and Kayleigh's foray into car sharing to be of short duration since those two were like chalk and cheese. The naysayers were proved wrong, however, and they had gone very quickly to being thick as thieves. Going shopping together was universally recognised as a sign that they were in fact going to the party "together" especially as John was continuing to pick Kayleigh up all the way over in Bury.

Both John and Kayleigh tried to fend off the seemingly endless questions about their costumes with Kayleigh truthfully telling everyone who asked that she didn't know who she was going as. John just smiled enigmatically and said, "you'll see!"

The evening of the party, a Tuesday, John dropped Kayleigh off at Mandy's leaving her to get ready with her costume in her bag he gave her at the last possible minute.

"I'll see you later, Kayleigh! I'll be back about eight OK?" John wants to get out of there before she spots the beard.

" See you later! " Kayleigh goes off to get ready with the help of Mandy.

Driving back a couple of hours later, John is in a fantastic mood. He loves his Harry Potter guise, and has stood in front of his wardrobe mirror practising his wand technique with ever more extravagant flourishes. He's had time to put his unbidden thoughts about Kayleigh as his bride to the back of his mind and he sings loudly and enthusiastically to Forever FM. The prospect of spending at least some of the evening with Kayleigh is making him very happy. 

Singing along to The Divinyls, as he neared Mandy's road, the lyrics very much reflected his thoughts and actions of late, his arm having fully recovered from his heroic fall over the paving slab. 

I don't want anybody else  
When I think about you  
I touch myself  
I don't want anybody else  
Oh no, oh no, oh no

I love myself  
I want you to love me  
When I'm feelin' down  
I want you above me  
I search myself  
I want you to find me  
I forget myself  
I want you to remind me*

John has drifted off in his own little world until he sees Steve outside with his bike. Showing himself off to Steve in all his Potter magnificence he takes it as a good sign that her novelty heart lamp is flashing away in her window.  
Appearing in all her glory with her beard resplendent, John and Steve share a laugh. Steve thinks that it's a good job John fancies his sister-in-law because no bugger else will!

Kayleigh is not impressed with her beard to say the least! Mandy had to do a lot of arm twisting for Kayleigh even to try it on once she'd dragged it out of the bottom of the bag along with the wig! She still isn't sure how John had managed to talk her out of Madonna but she's certain no wig or beard were ever mentioned. Mandy knows exactly how he did it...he's a crafty bugger that John Redmond! 

In fact Kayleigh thinks she's getting her allergy back again, the one where she came up all red and blotchy as a reaction to the pink glittery butterflies. Her face was getting all red and hot under the beard but she doesn't want to disappoint John who keeps telling her to stop playing with it. She really hopes he doesn't show anyone the selfie he's taken of them.

Despite the growing discomfort caused by the beard, Kayleigh is excited about the party and the opportunity to let her hair down. John seems equally happy and as a result their conversation is a bit more near the knuckle than usual. Crazy Frog with his helmet on and his cock out indeed! John's control of his recent less than platonic thoughts of Kayleigh is scuppered at Kayleigh's revelation that she called her breasts Cagney and Lacey. He had a feeling that he'd be in for further sleepless nights.

Arriving at the venue, John's heart sinks at the sight of Ted2's buttocks. He will be having a stern word with young Danny and the stern word will be to warn him to stay away from Kayleigh. John was less than impressed at the way she had lusted after the lad, just when he thought he'd had a shot with her himself. Only Kayleigh could think there was a free bar, John thinks to himself. Outloud he says, "You're on your arse! " Better that she's on her own arse than all over Ted2's!

 

 

* The Divinyls I Touch Myself 

COPYRIGHT:  
Writer(s): Christine Amphlett, M. Mcentee, Billy Steinberg, Tom Kelly


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What happens at the party to make John and Kayleigh the talk of the store. Who wins the fancy dress competition. Donna and Rick get engaged

Heading into the venue Kayleigh is immediately engulfed by a group of her friends, laughing and tugging her beard. It was a bold choice they all thought but hadn't got a clue who she was meant to be until John followed her in. Then there were whoops and applause and general hilarity. Everyone had expected Kayleigh to have picked a sexy outfit to impress John, but there was something just so funny about them going as Harry Potter and Hagrid that was a real hit with their colleagues.

The first half an hour at least at every fancy dress party is spent going round checking out everyone else's costume and this was no exception. 

"What is it with men wanting to dress up as women?" Kayleigh nudges John as yet another of the back door/warehouse blokes wander past in various wigs, dresses and fake boobs.

" I dunno! " John mutters. He has no intention of getting into that with her now. She probably wouldn't believe him anyway and go marching up to ask them, knowing her.

John takes his fair share of stick as he goes round with Kayleigh, there are plenty of wand jokes from his male colleagues, which John takes in good part, demonstrating his wand technique given any excuse. 

John goes to collect their complimentary drinks, the first one is free at least, he thinks as he picks up a glass of prosecco for Kayleigh and an orange juice for himself. Arriving back at Kayleigh's side, where he plans on being for most of the night if he can help it, he finds her chatting with Ted 2. 

"Bloody hell! You didn't waste any time! " he whispers quietly in Kayleigh's ear as he hands her her drink.

Kayleigh pretends not to know what he's talking about. "What?" She says cheekily back at him.

" A quick word please, Danny! " John says pleasantly and motions him off to the side. John keeps his expression bland but there is a threatening edge to his smile as he says something quietly and then clapping Danny on the back in a friendly manner. Kayleigh narrows her eyes at John as he comes back to join her and Danny heads off to find his mother.

"What was that all about John? I hope you didn't scare him?" she asks, grabbing his free arm so he can't escape.

" Me? Scare him? Not at all! Just a friendly word! " 

Kayleigh is not altogether convinced but John has guided them off towards the room where the Chinese banquet is being held. The banquet is pretty impressive and everyone has started to gravitate towards the tables. Kayleigh finds her and John an empty table and is soon joined by Rachel, Cath Hilton, Pamela and Stink Ray. 

Rachel is dressed in body hugging red lycra catsuit with a pair of little devil horns, (much to Kayleigh's annoyance and much to the lascivious attention of the whole of the male workforce), Cath Hilton has come as Mary Poppins, Pamela as She-Ra and Stink Ray as Captain Ahab complete with harpoon. What with Harry Potter and Hagrid, they make unlikely dinner companions.   
All six courses of the banquet went down well and as Kayleigh predicted she did have difficulty with her beard shedding into her Kung Po, much to John's amusement who still wouldn't let her take it off!

Their's was a high-spirited table with good-natured chatting and laughing all round. John and Kayleigh were easy in each other's company and entertained the others with their banter. So much so that Stink Ray, who had gone to the evening with the intention of chancing his arm with Kayleigh, decided that this was a non-starter and soon moved his attention to Gail off Fruit and Veg. Rachel was not so easily deterred and flirted with John when the opportunity arose, all under the baleful gaze of Kayleigh and amused looks from Cath Hilton and Pamela.

The judges for the fancy dress competition were to be Dave Thompson, Cath Hilton and the manager of the hotel, who would have the casting vote. After the meal was over but before everyone moved to the function room for the disco, the judges moved around the tables with clipboards and Cath with her camera, to see everyone's costumes.

Kayleigh had been knocking back the drinks, steadily supplied by John or Stink Ray (when he still thought he was in with a shot). She was decidedly unimpressed with Rachel's display and made it perfectly plain to John by the expression on her face. John knew he would never have gone for Rachel even if Kayleigh wasn't on the scene, but it didn't hurt his confidence to be shown an interest in by two attractive women. 

All this didn't help to slow down Kayleigh's alcohol consumption any and she was well on the way to becoming pissed by the time the dancing started. John had managed to get Kayleigh to stick with "her Harry Potter" by dint of the competition so far and as the dancing started he stood with her at the edge of the dance floor, her with yet another glass of wine and him nursing yet another Diet Coke. Kayleigh was desperate to dance but John kept saying it wasn't the right song, so eventually she left him with her empty glass and made her way into the throng of the rather bizarre collection of dancers. John watched her from the side, laughing at her antics, catching her eye every so often to make sure she knew he was still there.

Rachel who'd been keeping a close eye on them, saw this as her opportunity to get John on his own away from Kayleigh. She glided up to him in her slinky red number and asked him if he wanted to go outside for a breather. John politely declined but Kayleigh had seen Rachel make her move, whispering something to him and then John saying something in response and them both heading out in different directions. 

Kayleigh was not having it! How dare that slapper Rachel make such a blatant move on John! She follows Rachel and finds her outside talking to Barry, who is dressed as what looks like a Blues Brother. 

"Can I have a quick word Rachel?" Kayleigh asks in a fake-friendly manner. A tone that Barry recognises and he makes a hasty retreat.

"You alright Kayleigh love?" She asks giving her the once over, which makes Kayleigh wish she had gone as Madonna.

" Yes, I'm fine thank you Rachel. " Kayleigh is far enough gone to have lost some of her inhibitions so doesn't beat about the bush. "Just a little friendly warning to stay away from John! He's not interested and besides he never fraternises with his staff, he told me!"

Rachel didn't think that Kayleigh would come straight out and just warn her off like that, so wasn't quite quick enough with her response, which allowed Kayleigh to walk off with one last look and her head held eye.

John has missed all this, having escaped off to the gents. He ventures back into the disco, looking for Kayleigh but she's not where she last saw her. Before he can have a better look round, Kayleigh marches up to him, grabs his hand and pulls him onto the dance floor.

"Everything OK Kayleigh? " John has to lean in to make himself heard.

"I want to dance with you John! Just dance with me eh?" 

Kayleigh gives him that look that he can't resist and John allows himself to be guided by her. His reluctance is just for show, of course he wants to dance with her. Kayleigh and John danced enthusiastically, laughed with each other and had fun. For once John allowed himself to let his hair down for a while, which Kayleigh very much enjoyed. John was a good dancer, twirling Kayleigh around dramatically. Both enjoying the innocent physical contact they briefly forgot that there were some very interested eyes watching them, especially when a slow dance came on. They looked at each other a little awkwardly until John took Kayleigh by the hands and brought her to him. John sang along softly to the words of the song playing so that only Kayleigh could hear:

"Oh thinkin' about all our younger years  
There was only you and me  
We were young and wild and free

Now nothing can take you away from me  
We've been down that road before

But that's over now

You keep me comin' back for more  
And baby you're all that I want  
When you're lyin' here in my arms  
I'm findin' it hard to believe

We're in heaven  
And love is all that I need  
And I found it there in your heart  
It isn't too hard to see  
We're in heaven  
Oh once in your life you find someone

Who will turn your world around  
Bring you up when you're feelin' down  
Now nothin' can change what you mean to me  
Oh there's lots that I could say

But just hold me now  
'Cause our love will light the way  
And Baby you're all that I want  
When you're lyin' here in my arms

I'm findin' it hard to believe  
We're in heaven  
And love is all that I need  
And I found it there in your heart

It isn't too hard to see  
We're in heaven  
I've been waitin' for so long  
For somethin' to arrive  
For love to come along

Now our dreams are comin' true  
Through the good times and the bad  
I'll be standin' there by you, oh!  
And baby you're all that I want  
When you're lyin' here in my arms  
I'm findin' it hard to believe  
We're in heaven  
And love is all that I need  
And I found it there in your heart  
It isn't too hard to see  
We're in heaven, heaven  
Whoa, oh, oh!  
You're all that I want  
You're all that I need

Swaying on the spot Kayleigh's head resting on his shoulder and one hand on his other shoulder, holding him round the waist underneath his robe with the other, Kayleigh started to feel a bit dizzy and hot. It must be all that twirling she thinks vaguely to herself. Or it could be that John was singing to her a beautiful song that could have been written for them.

Their little interlude is interrupted by the DJ announcing that the results of the Fancy Dress Competition were about to be announced. Everyone "ooh's" and John and Kayleigh's reverie is broken as John stands back and steadies Kayleigh. People gather towards the front, where there's a table been set up with the prizes on. Dave Thompson begins to speak into the microphone given into him by the DJ. He thanks everyone for making a great effort with their costumes and without further ado announces that once again Joyce Chung the winner of the individual prize.

There is an equal amount of cheering and friendly booing as Joyce steps up to accept her prize of a big inflatable trophy with 1st felt-tipped onto it, a first rosette and a bottle of prosecco. Joyce is wearing a purple dress and tights. The dress has purple balloons pinned all over it and she's wearing a little green hat that's meant to be a stalk. She's come as a bunch of grapes. 

"She always has such good ideas!" Kayleigh says to John, who nods in agreement.

Second prize was announced as Elsie who had gone dressed as a Smurfette in a blond wig, white dress and hat and blued-up face. Elsie, who was more than half cut by this stage, staggered up to collect her prize from Dave Thompson. 

Third prize had gone to Roisin who was wearing blue tee shirt and leggings. She has a coil of plastic covered wire round her shoulders with a rubber chicken attached to it. She'd gone as Chicken Cordon Bleu. 

There was applause and cheering for the prize winners until Dave Thompson shushed everyone so he could announce the winners for the pairs or groups.   
Steve and several of the freezer section had all dressed up as Where's Wally 's, they won first prize. 

Diane off Non-foods and Barbara Bask had gone as Homer and Marge Simpson with Diane dressed in a white sheet to emulate the Greek philosopher, they got second place. A group of checkout ladies were all dressed as Russian Dolls, they all went up in height order and were really quite effective were awarded third place. Kayleigh was really rather disappointed. She really thought that her and John were in with a good chance! She had given up Madonna for this and she was still wearing this frigging beard!

Before anyone could move, the DJ announces a special request. Donna, dressed as Cleopatra, pulls Mrs Brown, otherwise known as her boyfriend Rick, up to the front. She gets down on one knee and asks him to marry her. She has been planning this for months, down to the glitter and feathers being thrown liberally over them, to the love-heart shaped balloons being let off, to buying her own ring and slipping it to Rick to give back to her.

At that moment, Kayleigh starts to feel really unwell and rushes past John to find the ladies. John sees her go just as the annual limbo competition is announced, the origins of which have been lost in the mists of time. The usual suspects line up next to the limbo poles, headed by Dave Thompson resplendent, he thinks, as Mr T (again!). 

John can't stand to watch the carnage that is limbo for another year. He goes out into the car park for a breather and to see if Kayleigh had gone out for some fresh air and decides to do a bit of a patrol to make sure nobody's up to no good when he sees Gareth and Julie having sex on his car bonnet. That horny bastard was getting more action than him!

 

** Heaven by Bryan Adams

COPYRIGHT:  
Writer(s): VALLANCE JAMES DOUGLAS, ADAMS BRYAN


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The gossips run wild! Kayleigh's not well and Elsie talks Kayleigh into getting a lift home.

Back inside, eyebrows were distinctly raised about how John and Kayleigh had been together. People knew that their car sharing had been a success, for they had both been happier of late, they were seen laughing together many times. Kayleigh, who was naturally a happy person, seemed a bit more sure of herself. John, although a lot of staff who had worked with him knew him as a kind man, was rarely seen to be as open and teasing as he was with Kayleigh.

A number of their colleagues already thought that they had got together, but the majority thought that they were on the brink. They didn't have that "we've just shagged" look about them. Big Diane off Non-Foods had lost the shine off her self-proclaimed Queen of the Gossips crown last year when she had declared that John must be gay by the way he was dancing all on his own to Gloria Gaynor, and she was eager to regain her standing by gaining the inside track on what was going on with them now. 

The cherry on the cake was the spectacle of them dancing together. John had displayed his usual reluctance but had been willingly pulled up by Kayleigh. Last Christmas his dancing had been a release from all that he'd gone through with his dad's illness. He'd forgotten all his worries for just a brief moment in time, which was misinterpreted by Diane as him being gay. That and the fact that he'd shown no interest in any of the women who'd worked in the store. He was professional to the last was John, that was until Kayleigh had come along.Diane was still suspicious about why John had come to her for a new shirt on the first morning of their car share. Spilt something on it my eye! Why did he smell so pungently of women's perfume? And Kayleigh 's perfume at that?

Tonight Diane watched John and Kayleigh dance and sing together totally oblivious to the stares and nudging of everyone around them. They were having such fun together that it wouldn't be long before they followed Rick and Donna up the aisle, Diane grinned to herself. She wanted to tell everyone that she had spotted it first. And then of course was their slow dance! Even the most cold-hearted gob-shites like Dave Thompson couldn't have failed to have their hearts squeezed a little by how sweet they were. John had pulled her close and seemed to be singing the words of that Bryan Adams song to her. Kayleigh looked as if she was in heaven as she swayed with him. Diane was just sad she hadn't thought to get a photo of them. The fact that they were so oblivious to the knowing looks and subtle remarks from their colleagues was just plain self-delusion in Diane's opinion.

Elsie, who was proudly showing her inflatable trophy to everyone, staggered up to where Diane was standing at the edge of the dance floor. 

"Well I told you's about them two! Did you see them dancing? " Elsie begins without preamble.

"I did Elsie! Did you see how he was flinging her about?" Diane is gleeful at the gossip potential for weeks to come.

" Did you see their slow dance though? " Elsie slurs, laughing suggestively.

"I did! Was he singing to her?" Diane is really warming to her theme now.

"Sure I couldn't get close enough! There's something going on with those two alright! Do they think we're stupid?"

"This must've been going on for weeks by the look at them! They think they've been so careful..."

"Aye they do..." Elsie winks and taps her nose. .. "But we know the truth don't we?" 

" How are we going to find out Elsie? They're not going to just come out and tell us are they? "

"Nooo, that John's tighter than a rat's arse!" Elsie agrees. "I could get a lift home with them... " she taps her nose again.

"You could! Save me a trip round to yours..." Diane is grateful that she doesn't have to drop Elsie off, and she'll probably have the best shot at finding anything out. Elsie nods and heads off to find Kayleigh, it won't be too difficult to talk her into getting John to give her a lift.

Kayleigh, meanwhile, had rushed off to the toilets and had lost all of her Chinese banquet down the bowl. She's busy trying to retrieve her beard from the toilet when Elsie staggers in.

"You OK, Kayleigh love?" Elsie asks concerned that Kayleigh seems to have her arm half way down the toilet bowl. 

" I've lost my beard Elsie! John's going to be upset with me! " Kayleigh's working herself into a bit of a state.

"Don't worry, Kayleigh love, you can't get it out of there now. John'll be OK." Elsie tries to be reassuring.

" Do you think so Elsie? I don't want to upset John! " 

"He'll be fine, love! You mark my words! I think we should get you home soon love. Here do you think John would give me a lift home? Can't get home! No taxis! It's the Ramadan!"

"Of course he will Elsie! I love you! " 

"We'd better go and find John! Here, take my arm, Kayleigh love, me oul knees are shot!"

Holding onto each other one no more steady on their feet than the other, Hagrid and Smurfette lurch into the disco and not seeing John there go careening out into the car park to the tail end of John giving The Incredible Hulk and The Statue of Liberty a telling off.


End file.
